


Into the arms of the girl that I love

by pingu_astankova



Category: Killing Eve (TV 2018)
Genre: F/F, Friendship, Pain, Slow Burn, healing together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-27
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-18 03:40:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29727777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pingu_astankova/pseuds/pingu_astankova
Summary: Eve is admitted to a psych ward and befriends an emotionally damaged girl from another ward
Relationships: Eve Polastri/Villanelle | Oksana Astankova
Comments: 22
Kudos: 51





	1. Chapter 1

January 11th, today is the day Eve normally would have gone back to school after the Christmas break, but not this year. This time she is a at psych ward, and not willingly...

"Mom what?? How can you do this to me? I promise I'll be okay if you let me stay!!"

"Eve honey listen to me... the people here are going to take good care of you better than your father and I can... I don't want you to get hurt more .." she cups her daughter's face instead of adding "than you did", to avoid reminding her of the pain she inflicted herself on her wrists and thighs. 

Eve tightens her hug and cries into her mother's arms. She really doesn't want to go and doesn't see how it can help her, to be surrounded of irl girl interrupted like people. She is just going to go crazy here, if anything. 

Their hug is interrupted by a nurse opening the door and introducing herself:" Hi Eve. My name is Helene. I am the nurse of this ward. Now would be the time to get you settled in your room and meet your neighbors? Or I can give you a few more minutes to say goodbye.." she offers while glancing at her watch. 

Eve goes back to hugging her mom and Helene understands it as a yes. She leaves the room and Eve begs her mom one last time to take her back home. She doesn't answer and starts tearing up. Her mom never, never cries, so Eve sees why her dad didn't come. He probably didn't want to make it harder for Eve if ever he cried too. She pulls away from the hug, wipes the tears from her face and says:"I love you so much, darling. I wish I couldve been there when you needed me most. I will call you every few days okay? As much as you will be allowed to answer."

Eve nodds and blows her nose. She then opens the door and decides to exit the room without looking back. Helene welcomes her with a smile and starts walking in the direction of her room. Eve is feeling nervous at the idea of being in the midst of mentally unstable individuals, but she was not in a position to judge them either. 

"Here is your room, see it's the last one of the row. Number 12. Your bed will be on the right side. You.." before she has time finishing her sentence, a patient from the other end of the hallway seems to have a breakdown and so she runs to help him. Eve is feeling completely disoriented and is static.

"I think what she meant to say is that you can put your clothes in the cabins on the left." explains a blonde girl with a smirk. She could almost be cute, if she didn't have all those bruises on her face. She looks like she would normally have a bright and smooth skin. 

"Oh okay thanks.." answers Eve more dryly than she wanted to sound.

She then starts filling the cabins with her stuff, turning her back to the unknown girl and Helene comes back asking:"Who were you talking to?" 

"Umm I didn't ask her name. She was blonde and bruised on her face?" Eve was surprised to see that she managed to leave so discretely. 

Helene pulled a face telling that she had no idea who it was. "It might be a clandestine patient, like we call them. They are patients from other wards sneaking in to be with stabler people, if you want. Your ward is for individuals who need help but who do not pose any danger to others and to themselves." 

How do you know that, Eve wishes she had the guts to ask but she remains quiet. Helene notices she was about to say something:"Do you have any questions?"

"When are we eating?" invents Eve. She is ironically anything but hungry. 

"At 6 pm. You have a lucky first day, tonight it's a spaguetti day." Helene smiles as she leaves.

Eve is not looking forward to eat and even less to eat hospital food. Berk. 

"Don't pull that face, it's much better than you think." scoffs the mysterious girl. "I have the palate of a 3 year old child, although I will eat anything I am given here. The food is good." she reassures .

"If you say so." grins Eve. "What's your name?" 

"What's yours?" boldly asks the blonde.

"Eve." 

"My name is Villanelle." 

"From which ward are you?" Eve hopes it is not too nosey. 

"I can't tell you. I think if you knew you wouldn't be allowed to see me. It's better you don't know, if ever we get caught." 

"Ah okay, but that means I will see you again?"

"If that's what you want, I can always find a way to come." puts forward Villanelle. 

"Yes, I'd like that." answers Eve with a shy smile.


	2. Chapter 2

She wishes Villanelle was there while she is feasting the delicious spaguetti. Villanelle was right, it really is good. 

The blonde gave her the impression of someone nice but that obviously underwent some trauma. Eve wonders why exactly she got admitted. Maybe later when their friendship is stronger she will ask.

No sign of her for the rest of the week. She has to participate in group activities, though, to show that she wants to get better and blahlahblah. The people she is with are not weird, but something about them makes it impossible for her to connect or relate to them in any way. What is it about Villanelle that felt like a spark? Eve was very skilled in drawing, which impressed her peers. Many asked her to draw portraits in exchange of some of their pasta. Eve couldn't refuse and she genuinely enjoyed drawing, so it was a win-win situation. 

But something was always lingering in a corner of her mind... where was Villanelle? "Eve! Phone for you." called Helene, waking Eve from her daydreaming thoughts. 

"Hi mom. Yeah I am okay... it's not so bad. No I didn't see the therapist yet, they usually wait a few days for patients to get settled. No I didn't make any friends.." it is easier to say that than to explain that she has a disappeared friend who ironically ghosted her. "I love you too mom, say hi to dad! bye."

After hanging up the phone she goes to her room while rubbing her eyes.

"That's not very nice of you to say, Eve. I thought you would at least mention you met someone new.." jokingly pouts Villanelle, sitting on her bed.

"Where were you all week??"

"Whoa, I didn't know I owed you a minimum number of visits per week! It's hard already just to be allowed outside of my room, imagine sneaking out!"

Eve glances at the watch on the wall and reads 8:34. The bedtime of this ward is 9 pm. She wonders what Villanelle's is.

"At what time do you have to go?"

She chuckles and answers that by this time she should already be sleeping. 

"Oh my... how are you going to go back?" worriedly asks Eve. That girl barely is more than an acquaintance, but somehow Eve finds herself caring about her. 

"Hmm I was thinking I could sleepover in your room and before you get any ideas... I don't mind sleeping on the floor." laughs Villanelle. 

"What on the floor?? That would be inhumane to ask.." she turns to her bed and adds" there is enough space for two. Do you want to sleep next to the wall?"

"Oh I don't mind. If you prefer I can sleep next to the edge of the bed so you have the wall." proposes Villanelle, flattered.

They get into bed and at first it's kind of awkward, but all of this week's intense emotions have tired Eve and it doesn't take her more than a few minutes to fall asleep. Villanelle is not sleepy at all. She quietly turns on her side and studies Eve, who fell asleep on her back. She is somewhat mesmerized by her, by the way she mouths words when she sleeps, her eyes, her amazing hair.. shit! Bed check!!

Helene peeks by the door window, which awakens Eve. She recalls that tiktok she saw saying that your body can feel when it is being watched, which is exactly how she felt. She was surprised to feel such emptiness next to her when she turned the other way. Villanelle was gone. She didn't want to seem literally crazy in front of Helene so she simply smiled and turned back, pretending to sleep. 

After counting to 30, she felt like it was safe to whisper her name. "Villanelle?" she may have asked 10 times but no answer. She probably found a way to get back while I was still sleeping, she tells herself. Eve can't help but feel a bit saddened by her absence, plus knowing that a next visit is never guaranteed. 

Tomorrow is saturday, which is the day of visit. Her mom said that this time her dad will come too. Eve then goes back to sleep, and she dreams of being on top of the hospital and just breathe in fresh air. She hasn't been outside for days. 

"Good morning honey. How was the first week?" asks Eve's father.

"Fine.. the first days were a bit hard, but I guess I am getting used to it. How is the weather outside?" Eve missed the snow mostly.

"It is snowing today, the ride was very enjoyable." answers her mom with a soft smile.

"Can we go outside?" hopes Eve.

"I don't know, baby. Let me ask the nurse if we are allowed." tells the mom before getting up and asking Helene. 

"She said okay, we have 15 minutes." 

They all get up and quickly go to Eve's room to get her coat before exiting the ward. Snowflakes falling on her hair have never felt so good, and the fresh air, and the grey sky... everything Eve loved about winter all in an instant. They then decided to go on a short walk, with a supervisor following them from afar. After 10 minutes, it was almost time to say goodbye. Eve hugged both her parents and felt less sad than the first time and started heading back towards the hospital, following the supervisor. She was a bit looking forward to go back, to see Villanelle again. 

Speak of the devil, there she was, standing there leaning on the wall next to the entrance door, with a lollipop. 

"Villanelle! What are you doing here? How did you leave my room so quietly?" So many questions needed to be answered.

"Relax, Eve. I have my secrets." she leaves it there.

"So are you coming?" asks the supervisor.

Eve's sight becomes blurry and once it's clear again, Villanelle is gone. She rubs her eyes and goes back in. The rest of the weekend is Villanelle-less. 

Monday afternoon, their lunch is pizza, which she has not tasted yet. She wishes Villanelle could eat with her. She eats with her group and heads to her room, bored and in a bad mood. 

She decides to nap today, just to take a break from reality. She is woken up by Helene at 3 pm, because now is arts and craft in group time. Eve however has the option to not attend this time, as long as she comes to at least 3 sessions per week. She decides to skip that one and asks for permission to go to the hospital mini library to find something to read.

Why am I even here... I am not in need of meds, I feel okay.. it's just like when I was home. This is so useless.. she mutters to herself.

She has read most of the books on the shelves, but one catches her eye. It's called 'The Hour of the Star'. The title is catchy but based on the summary at the back, it looks like it could be boring too. Eve decides to go for it anyway and worst case scenario, she can drop it. 

She heads to her room and it is now almost 4 pm. She decides to changes in her pjs because why not, it's not like she has to dress for anyone in a psych ward! 

"Nice pjs!" laughs a voice she couldn't forget.

"Villanelle!" exclaims Eve in a tone halfway embarrassed halfway happy to see her. She didn't have any okay looking pjs and the one she was wearing was the ugliest, the one at the bottom of the pile. 

"So did you miss me?" teases Villanelle.

"To be honest yeah. Did you?" she bravely returns the question.

"Sometimes yes."

Eve doesn't know if she should feel flattered by that answer but prefers leaving this question to her usual overthinking sessions before sleep. 

"Do you want to play a game?" playfully asks Villanelle.

"Haha with what? It's not like we have racquets to play badminton or ping pong..." mocks Eve. 

"Equipment isn't needed for the funnest games. What I'm talking about is a game of questions, if you prefer." explains the blonde.

"Ah okay like a truth or dare but without the dares?"

"Exactly! Although I will admitt I like daring people to do things. It is funnily empowering." recognizes Villanelle.

"Your turn!" Eve shouts.

"Shh! Do you want us to get caught?" she raises her eyebrows and seems genuinely serious. 

"I'm sorry." 

"It's okay. Just be careful for yourself." 

Eve is not sure what she exactly means there, but she doesn't want to be heavy. 

"Do you like it here?" Villanelle asks while looking at her green pajamas. 

"Um I guess. But as time goes I realize that I am here for nothing. I don't know really why I need all that care at this point." confesses Eve "and you?"

"No, but it seems like I will never be allowed to leave this place." she looks down with a saddened look.

"Do you miss your family?" Eve asks, with the hope of Villanelle feeling a bit better by thinking of something positive.

"I don't really have anyone.. I was put in an orphanage when I was 5 and after I was on my own after I managed to escape." Her gaze turns a bit cold.

Eve doesn't know what to answer and feels kind of awkward to talk about her family that is really not so bad compared to what she has heard. She then finds the excuse to go to the bathroom to avoid Villanelle for a bit. 

Villanelle tells her that it's going to be supper time soon, so she has to get back to her ward anyways. They say bye to each other and end today's interaction on a cold note. Eve really wishes she'd shut up before asking about her family. Now there is one thing that won't leave her mind.. why was Villanelle put into this center? And why does she feel like she will never leave? What can she have that is so bad?

The only way to know if to search through the patients' files, but how to access them?? They are probably hidden in some drawers at the nursery. Eve decides to pull a Betty Cooper and fakes a nose bleed while pretending to faint. 

When she wakes up, she is laying on a white bed in a very white room and no one is around her. She pretends to cough very loudly a few times to see if that's going to attract any form of attention but no, radio silent. She gets up and tiptoes her way out of the room. The reception is empty. She luckily finds a bobby pin and succeeds in unlocking the bottom right drawer, which is the biggest and so most likely to one containing the files. 

Yes!! It's open. Now, all she has to do is to search... A..B...C.. ...Y...Z.. she went through all the letters and zero Villanelle or patient with a picture looking like her at all.. Now that is weird. While she is already there, she takes the opportunity to take her own file to read why she was really brought here. Just as she finds her file someone taps on her shoulder. 

"Can I help you young lady?" angrily asks the receptionnist. 

Eve doesn't answer because she knows she's in trouble. There are no legit excuses she could make up so she simply stays silent when she is asked why she was doing all that. Helene then comes to take her to her room, where she will be eating her supper alone. Tonight it's chicken with rice. Why wasn't I quicker ugh.. now chances are I never will be able to find out why I am here... 

Eve goes to her room after eating to start reading her book. She finds herself relating more and more to Macabéa, the main character. She is basically a liability to everyone she knows, just like Eve feels she is. 

The rest of the week is Villanelle-less once again, until friday afternoon. Eve's group is allowed to go to the small gym of the hospital, which will be her first time there. They are told that patients from other wards will be there too, as it's good for them to connect with others. Thats good news right! It means that she will be able to see Villanelle....right?


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Since Eve was too slow to reveal why she's here, here is Helene's pov on her case.

This is not something she would ever have seen herself condone in her career, ever. Lying about the reason why a patient is admitted just to increase the chance they accept the treatment.. but if it ultimately works, it could be worth it, no? Eve's parents have requested to meet her a few weeks prior the event that lead to Eve's admission to the hospital. They have been worried about her for a while. She had these phases, if we can call them that, of deep sadness during which she saw and heard things that only she could perceive. 

Schzo-affective is probably her diagnosis, but how can you make someone that forgets they ever had any delusions accept that they are not okay? This is when her parents had to start figuring out a strategy to make it acceptable for Eve. During her last phase, the "mission" she had to fulfill, was to gather her stuff as soon as possible and to meet her imaginary friend to leave forever. Eve never talked about her delusions, but she always kept track of them in a diary. Her parents knew that she always forgot everything once she popped back to reality. However, this one time even though she was ready to risk it all, it was not enough for her friend and he ordered her to cut herself to show how dedicated she was to him, so she did. 

Eve's parents used this situation to place Eve into this facility, under the context of self-harm and depression. Having forgotten everything, Eve could only assume it was the truth. Helene did not want to put her in this ward, but she understood the parent's intentions and couldn't help but wonder if this tactic could work. This is how Eve got admitted to this ward. Without medications, getting better is nearly impossible in her case. 

Helene was waiting for her next breakdown to introduce medication, which would pretendly be anxiety pills. It was such a delicate situation because she also didn't wish Eve to ever find herself in a situation of anxiety so bad she would need the "medication". 

She saw Eve as a smart but troubled girl. She was often inconsistent when she was talking and maintaining a normal conversation was very challenging for her, as her speech and actions were most of the time quite disorganized. Helene also looked forward to when Eve saw her 'clandestine' friend, as it made her feel better for a while. Time was soon going to run out and the longer Eve stayed unmedicated, the more risk she put her sanity at. What should Helene do?


	4. Chapter 4

To get back at Eve, missing Villanelle all week was already a hassle, but what came next was even worse. Her parents usually visit her around 2 pm on saturdays. This saturday was the day she would be allowed to go to the gymnasium to bond with people she isn't familiar with for the first time. She was really excited to see her again, but she did not show up. Eve wasn't sure if she should be surprised or not. She concluded that maybe Villanelle found a better friend elsewhere, someone less awkward, someone less broken. 

When she though of Villanelle, the first song that came to her mind was "it ain't me babe" because the lyrics described their relationship so accurately, if what they had even counts as a relationship. Villanelle had this innocence as well as her depth and intelligence, making her able to be serious without getting heavy. Eve was a bit upset to see that she did not show up to a meeting that was so easy for once! She decided to leave the gym under the pretext that she got her periods and she had a bellyache. 

After excusing herself she exits the gym and heads towards her room. She has a very weird feeling, something telling her that a terrible thing just happened. It is now 1:30, her parents should arrive soon.

Eve decides to just close her eyes and doze off waiting for her parents. She is interrupted by Helene, who has a very distressed look. 

"What happened?" Eve stands up and knows something is wrong.

"Sit down, Eve please." she waits until she does so and sits on the chair next to her closet. "Your parents got into a car accident this morning. They were on the highway.. their injuries are quite serious and they are in a critical state." 

"Oh my god.. where are they now??" panics Eve.

"They got admitted to the Grey Sloan Memorial. They have good doctors there, they will be taken care of well." she tries to reassure Eve.

"Will I be allowed to visit them?" 

"Technically you are not allowed to leave this ward unless it's during your visit periods, but I figured we can do an exception for you. You will have to be accompanied though." 

"Okay that I don't mind. When can we go?" worriedly asks Eve.

"Tomorrow, the supervisor you saw last time when it snowed will be available to to with you." promises Helene.

Eve closes her eyes, one to stop the tears from rolling down her cheeks and two to take a moment to absorb all that nerve wracking information. She feels like throwing up.

"Can you leave me please. I want to be alone." she demands with more anger than she intended to speak with. 

Helene nods and exits her room. Eve then closes the door behind her and cries while burying her face in her pillow. She now feels those sharp cramps in her stomach. Her lie ironically came true, her periods came earlier than expected. 

She goes to the bathroom in the hallway and when she arrives to her room, there she is, sitting on her bed with puppy eyes. 

"Villanelle. Now isn't the time to say something funny... or anything at all. I am not feeling well. Please go, anyways you don't mind simply leaving and never coming back right?" says Eve with a sarcastic tone.

"Eve? Why are you attacking me? I am doing the best I can okay? Don't you see my face!" her bruises have barely faded since they first met. "Do you think that I have a good time here? You think that I feel safe? I don't have your privilege to have mom and daddy visiting me weekly. You know nothing about me. I will leave and not come back if that's what you want ok."

"No.. wait. I'm sorry." she quickly catches her arm to stop her from leaving. She then closes her room's door and gently pulls her hand towards the bed, inviting her to sit next to her. 

Eve waits to take a few breaths before explaining to the blonde what happened today. 

"My parents... they got into a bad accident today. I'm not dumb and I've seen greys anatomy, I know how serious the damage can be. I'm so scared to be left alone.." this time she doesn't hold back on her tears and just starts sobbing in her hands.

Villanelle looks at her with a saddened look. She isn't sure what to do, she just sits in silence and hope that Eve appreciates it.

"I'm happy you are here, Villanelle. Forget what I said, I am not myself right now." she apologizes.

"Don't worry, I understand." she wishes she received more love in her childhood because she often finds herself wishing she knew how to love.

"Can you hold me?" Eve then meets her gaze and the surprised look on the blonde's face makes her regret saying this. "Nevermind, it's... forget I asked that." she nervously laughs. 

Villanelle scoots closer and puts her right arm around Eve's shoulder. Eve then leans into her and wow it felt much more comforting than she expected. She could smell Villanelle's hair, which had an addictive fruity smell. Eve hopes she isn't too heavy on her. Villanelle takes notice of that and says:"Don't worry, just close your eyes and breathe." 

Eve does as she is told and melts in this instant. The next minutes feel like lucid dreaming. It's hard to tell if it's real or if it's a dream in which she can decide what she wants to do. The only thing she remembers is falling asleep and feeling a light kiss on her forehead.

She is woken up at 6 pm, for supper and it is not Helene. Eve is not good with changes like that, and especially less today. She is usually a very considerate patient, but not today. Today, she snaps at the nurse who is gently pressing on her arm to wake her up.

"LEAVE ME ALONE! Can you understand that?? I was feeling well for once and you made her leave! It's not even my fault at this point... it's like no one wants me to be happy."

The nurse looks at her with a puzzled look and tries to get her up, which Eve doesn't like at all. She abruptly pushes her away and starts taking the clothes from her closet and throwing them everywhere. She breaks anything she can, which is a challenge because there isn't much to find in the room of a patient in a psych ward to trash. The nurse gets up and manages to leave and calls security. Less than 30 seconds later 2 very beefy men enter her room and they pin her down. The nurse injects something in her neck and there goes her consciousness again. 

She wakes up maybe an hour later and is restrained in a bed, in a new room. She understands now. She has been moved to the ward she always was meant to be in.


	5. Chapter 5

Her room isn't as welcoming as the previous one. The walls are a very light blue, at this point we could say white. It gives a very icy and unnerving vibe. This room doesn't even have a closet this time. Maybe they imagine I will hang myself inside, she mocks in her head. 

The room is very empty, and it looks like matresses are stuck on the walls to make it soundproof. She takes the opportunity to voice all the demons hauting her. 

After a few minutes of screaming her lungs out, she got exhausted and decided to sleep. Maybe in her dreams she is in a better place. There is a clock on the wall but it is placed way up high, probably to prevent her from self harming with it... how do you hurt yourself with a stupid clock, she wonders, before shutting her eyes as she reads 7:42. 

Is this part of her dream? She looks up, 1:11. Who the hell is touching her feet at this time?? She gets up to discover Villanelle at the other side of her bed, just standing there. 

"What the fuck are you doing? You scared me. Can't you wait tomorrow to talk? We are now in the same ward anyways right?" Eve realizes she didn't leave Villanelle the chance to answer one question before she added another.

"Well I wanted to warn you. It's not good that you are here, Eve. Listen to me. When they give you pills, ANY kind, do not take them. Okay?" she orders with a serious look.

"Why? I don't mind taking pills for my anxiety." 

"They won't be for that. We are friends now right? You would be sad if you didn't see me anymore, no?" she demands with an mighty tone.

"Yeah... but I still don't get how us being friends is linked to meds..?" maybe it's the exhaustion of all those strong emotions making it hard for Eve to understand, but she really doesn't have a clue.

"Oh my god. Just pretend to take whatever they give you, because they will. Otherwise I won't come see you anymore. Good night."

Eve really doesn't get why Villanelle got so upset. Maybe it's because Eve really has a shot to get better, which she clearly doesn't have and she is scared to lose someone as damaged as her and to be the only one at this level. Eve knows she won't be able to fall asleep from now and spends the rest of the night overthinking. 

She is woken up by the same nurse she attacked yesterday. She feels like apologizing, but at the same time she feels like it's at the bottom of her priority list. 

"Can I see Helene." she requests while avoiding eye contact. 

"She doesn't work in this ward, usually. But I can ask her to pass by today. Which clothes do you want to go out today?"

Shit. Today she has to go visit her parents. She honestly kind of forgot about that for a while.  
"Any pant with my dark green turtleneck sweatshirt, thank you." She looks up, it's now 9:10. She will probably leave after diner, so only about 4 hours to go.

She forces herself to eat her breakfast and spends the remaining time before lunch reading books. She eats her lunch in her room again and this time, a nurse she doesn't know drops by a small box shaped paper container with 2 pills inside. 

"Anxiety meds. Take them my dear, you will feel much better." she smiles with a sincere looking grin, before turning her back and leaving.

Now that is funny, exactly the medication she predicted she would be given. What should she do? Would they really lie about her medication? It can't hurt to try, she thinks. Villanelle will forgive me someday for thinking of myself first and if she doesn't, she isn't worth it. 

There are no activities like the ones in the previous ward here, so it's really boring. Eve wonders if she could sneak out and just go to her old ward. Villanelle could do it quite easily so it must not be that complicated, right? 

Well not at all.. there are 2 doors to cross to access her ward and for that you need a special card with a code.. how would Villanelle have gotten those? At the same time Eve remembers she doesn't know her that well, so who's to say what she's capable of? Eve feels defeated and goes back to her room. She probably will daydreaming, waiting for the supervisor to take her. 

Once she is on her bed, something clicks in her mind. Since she is in the same ward as her mysterious friend, she should be able to find her room, no? It could be interesting to see what kind of person she is, if she is messy, if she decorates or draws... before she has time walking past the room next to her the supervisor catches her hand and says:"Ah! Perfect timing. Let's go now." 

For some reason Eve feels foolish to have been caught in this moment. It's a bit embarrassing and she feels like a pathetic obssessed girl, for caring so much. 

They come back from the hospital at 2 pm, and Eve feels more devastated than ever. Her parent's health have greatly deteriorated, which she was not informed of, probably because she was barely hanging on herself. They both were plunged in a deep coma, and her father's brain showed very little activity. Her mom was the only one with a chance to wake up, a very low chance. Eve felt like crying for the rest of the day, and she thought Villanelle might come, like she usually does when she is needed most but not this time. She is very agitated to see her not coming, which the nurse notices and she brings her a pill, to calm her down.

Eve takes it without question and probably that it was a sleeping pill because oh she feels so drowsy and sleepy.

She doesn't see Villanelle for the rest of the week and towards the middle of the week, Eve starts to realize that maybe Villanelle really meant what she said, and that now she has lost maybe the last person on Earth she has, literally. She decides to stop taking the pills, so that she can be forgiven. Seeing her again would make her feel so much better. 

Tuesday morning, she is allowed to shower in a real shower, and not in a bath with a nurse sitting by her side. It's a big first step. The staff found that she made progress.... progress of what? she asks herself. 

When she comes out of the shower, there she is, standing there. Eve feels so embarrassed and quickly hops back inside the cubicle.

"Okay thank you for letting me know you were there? Do you know that's just fucking creepy?"

"But.." 

"Just pass me my towel, please." she cuts her off.

Villanelle does as she is asked and once Eve has wrapped herself in solid knots, she comes out and doesn't even know by which question to start. 

"So you really went all the way didn't you? I never thought you would be able to leave like that. What a good friend you are..." she remarks with a contemptuous tone.

"Eve listen. I did it so you understand how serious this is. They don't want us to be together, they want to break us apart. I have never had a friend like you or even a friend at all. I have a history of violence and no one trusts me. That's why I didn't want you to know why I'm here... I didn't want to change how you saw me." she admitts, staring at her hands.

"How do you think I see you?" she asks, ignoring the pretty alarming comments she said in the beginning.

"Probably as someone cool and confident. Maybe also cute?" she shyly laughs.

"Mhh that sounds like right. I am glad you opened up to me, and I believe you now. I won't take the pills anymore. I just want to see you." Eve feels like she has gained Villanelle's trust and vice versa.

"I will always find my way back to you, I promise." 

To break this gay panic like moment, Eve says :"I should get dressed now. See you soon, ok?"

"See you soon."

Thus Eve started faking swallowing her pills from now on, but something weird came along with that. She started feeling agitated again and patches of her memories went missing. What is happening to her?


	6. Chapter 6

As days went by, her health kept deteriorating. She started isolating herself from others, although not many group activities were planned. The only times she left her room were to shower or to use the safe proofed bathroom. She became suspicious of the food she was given, as they could always just crush the pills to turn them into powder and spray them over the food, Villanelle warned her. The blonde made her mistrustful of any treatment the hospital gave her.

She was scared that if she fell asleep, they would inject something in her arm before she can react, so she stopped sleeping altogether for many days. Being very hungry, sleep deprived and paranoid was a very bad combination. Eve felt herself losing her sanity.

The only good aspect is that she never hung out so much with Villanelle. They had so much in common and it was almost like they could always finish each other's sentence or know what the other was thinking. Never in her life she would have believed she would connect as much with someone. She always believed only a boyfriend could fulfill her in the ways Villanelle is able to, but as their friendship progressed, she saw that maybe there was better than boys to date. 

The two following weeks were a mix of dysphoria and euphoria. Connecting with her friend was the best, but her physical health was alarmingly the worst it could be. After three weeks, she was so malnourished that she simply collapsed. She had to be connected to all those tubes and she could not fight them this time. After a few days she was getting stronger, but it seems like Villanelle stopped visiting her. This saddened and angered her.

Once again, she planned to take it all out on whichever nurse is assigned to her but this time, it was Helene. She could not be mean to her, after all she may be her only remaining ally. 

"Eve darling... I know you feel alone and angry at the world for what happened to your parents.. you have the right to, but don't you think that your parents would want their daughter to be healthy? To be happy and to thrive?" Helene asks with a soft tone.

It took Eve a few moments to remember everything. Her parents did pass away last week.. although it feels like last month, or year? Her perception of time and memories was all disproportionate because she stopped taking the meds. 

"Yeah well you know nothing about them. What I know is that I have a friend here, who cares for me and who wants the best for me." throws Eve, staring at her coldly.

"Right... and would a good friend who, as you say wants the best for you, keep you from taking medicine to help your brain function better?" questions Helene. 

"LEAVE ME ALONE!" Eve yells as she runs out of her room. She decides to go in the bathroom for a few minutes, even though she cannot lock herself in because the damn toilet stalls her ward don't lock! She sees a glimpse of her old self when she closes her eyes, a girl who loved her mom and dad more than anything, who loved the feeling of snowflakes getting trapped in her eyelashes so she feels them when she blinks, a girl who loved pizza. 

My parents would be so disappointed in me if they saw what I became, she shudders to herself. Helene did not run after her, maybe she got that it was enough of a snap back to reality for a day.

Eve doesn't feel like she will ever be ready to leave the bathroom, so she sits in a fœtal position and rocks herself. Less than a few instants later, she feels a presence behind her and she just knows who it is. She leans back and Villanelle slowly wraps her arms around Eve. This feeling is exactly what she craved. 

She closes her eyes and sighs, but then this lingering feeling of anxiety comes back. She can't help but say:

"You know that most people think that I'm crazy for being your friend? What have you done that's so bad for them to think that??" 

"Guess." replies the blonde.

"I have no idea. You know I even started considering the possibility that I really am crazy and that you're in my head?! It makes sense. If my parents dying both together on the randomest day in the fucking safest car of the year can happen, why not this?" she then laughs hysterically.

Villanelle gets up from their cuddling session and says: "If you have so little faith in me, I think there is no point in us being friend anymore." 

Villanelle has never looked at Eve in such a cold way, sending chills to her spine.

Just before she is opens the door to leave Eve catches her arm and says: "I always believed and trusted you. You told me to be suspicious of basically the whole hospital and I became so. I have you now and I will always do what you tell me because I know you care about me, and that you want what's best for me." she just realized she used part of the words she exchanged with Helene. 

Villanelle seemed moved by this confession and mouths words before she is able to find the appropriate one to say.

"Thank you." 

Two simple words but coming from a girl like her, with a little imagination it could feel like an "i love you". 

Helene was listening from the other side of the door and thought to herself that now was the time to think of a strategy that would work to snap Eve back to reality once and for all.


	7. Chapter 7

The challenge was primarly how? And also how will she find a way that will be accepted by Eve? Wow now she had a spark. The only way for it to work was to include her friend. She was maybe the only one who could change everything.  
Tomorrow morning is when she planned to execute her plan.

Eve had quite an agitated night. She kept tossing and turning and her heartbeat did not seem to slow down. She went to the bathroom and rocked herself on the floor again, it soothed her a bit. Shortly after, the door opened and Villanelle arrived. The moonlight lit the bathroom and gave a very lovely and almost romantic atmosphere.

"I'm glad you're here... I am feeling so sick... I am scared, my heart feels broken and it doesn't make sense because I am also the happiest I've been in years?" she cries, while shaking.

Villanelle looks at her with a worried but loving look and sits next to her. She opens an arm as an invitation and Eve automatically leans on her. Eve feels like she could stay like that forever. Villanelle has not mentioned to Eve the dangers of medications since a few days. Maybe she saw that Eve got it or she started questioned herself.

"Villanelle, can I ask you something?"nervously asks Eve. The state of panic always gives Eve a strenght she doesn't have usually.

"What?" asks the blonde, intrigued.

"Could I kiss you?" the shocked look on Villanelle's face makes her add:"I know it's stupid, but I never kissed someone in my life and I like you, and since we never know what could happen to us, why wait?" Eve then regrets saying all fo this because she doesn't even know what are Villanelle's feelings towards her.

Villanelle smiles and answers:"Stop panicking Eve, and yes. Just come here." 

Eve turns around and leans into her. She did not expect to feel so many things at once. It's like her whole body was on fire and especially her face. Feeling Villanelle's hand caressing her left cheek was not helping either. She imagines she is probably as red as tomato right now, good thing it's nightime! They only kiss 6 times before Eve pulls away.

"Was it bad?" worriedly asks the blonde.

"No no!" she tensely reassures her. "I just... I've never done anything like this before. I liked it though. And you?" she really hopes she wasn't too bad for a first time kisser.

"Are you serious? It was amazing." she sweetly laughs. 

"Do you want to sleep with me tonight? I've been feeling so anxious lately and it seems like with you, I am always feeling better."

"Sure. Can I have the wall tonight though?" Eve was glad to know that Villanelle remembered their first sleepover, if it can even count as one. 

"Yes." she laughs and they both get up and leave. 

As she predicted, she slept very well that night. Plus she had the hand of someone to hold, which feels like something won't be able to sleep without anymore. 

8 o'clock. Helene already drank her coffee and was waiting for Eve to wake up. Her mission was already risky enough, it was better not to make her start her day in a bad mood by waking her early. 

9 o'clock. Eve yawned and stretched on her bed. Soon was going to be the moment to pull of her plan.

"Good morning, Eve." she simply says.

Eve instantly looks at the wall to see that Villanelle has gone. She then turns facing the wall and ignores Helene.

"Eve, I am sorry for last time. It was not my place to tell you whether your friend has good intentions or not. I just want you to get better and I think I have an idea that can work. Can you please listen to me this one last time?" demands Helene with a sincere tone.

"Okay." returns Eve as she turns the other way and sits on the bed. 

Helene carefully approaches her as if she was a wild cat as she pulls a chair. 

"When you feel very very sad for a long time, sometimes it can do things to your brain. It can make it sick, do you agree with that Eve?"

She nods.

"Sometimes the negative effects are depression, which means isolation from others, loss of appetite, dark thoughs and self harm but the effects can also be more serious." she explains slowly.

"What can be worse than that?" retorts Eve, partially sarcastic, partially genuinely curious.

"Well, some people whose brains are not doing well can sometimes perceive things that aren't there.." she puts out experimentally. Eve remains calm so she doesn't wait more to add "and although it may not seem bad to them , as it could even be felt as a positive presence to them, the longer they stay linked to those elements, the more disconnected of reality they become, and that's the danger." warns Helene.

"Okay... but I don't understand how this is linked to me?" she lies. Part of her knows where Helene is going with this.

"I know you made a friend here, which is great, but we never saw her, any of the staff. You seem to only see her when you are alone, don't you?" Helene hopes it did not come off as an attack.

"Well maybe she prefers us to be alone.. doesn't mean that I am crazy!" she brings her knees to her chest and closes her eyes.

"Yes I understand. Could you please ask her to come now? I have questions for her?" Helene really hoped her plan would work.

"Ask her to come? What's the point you don't even believe she is real?" shouts Eve.

"What I know is that she seems like someone who loves and cares about you. If you ask she will come, please try Eve okay?" 

Eve then opens the door unconsciously and now that she thinks about it, Villanelle has never opened a door in front of her. She then closes her eyes and a few instants later she hears:

"So why did you call me here?" 

"Villanelle! Thanks for coming. Helene wanted to ask you a few questions."

Helene felt a bit weird to have to ask questions to a figment from someone's imagination, but what wouldn't she do for a patient she cares about? 

"Hello Villanelle, how are you today?" she starts by the easy question.

Villanelle answers that she is fine. Eve hears her say it but Helene doesn't seem to, but she cleverly nods and says she is glad to hear so.

"Okay now that we have introduced each other, I have something serious to tell you." 

Villanelle says okay while doing a surprised face and Eve can't help but feel so confused. She really isn't sure if Helene can see her right now.

"Eve is not doing well. She may seem healthy and happy with you, but in reality she isn't, at all. Did you know Eve collapsed because she was so malnourished?"

Villanelle then glances at Eve with an offended look for not telling her. 

"I didn't want to make a big deal of it.." she uses as an excuse. 

Helene waits maybe 5 seconds to not cut Villanelle off and adds:

"You are her friend. You are maybe the only one who can change everything! Don't you think that you were being selfish to want to keep her to yourself while she was suffering?"

"If she is going to speak like that, I'm leaving!"

"No please wait. I'm not done. The rude part is over." she jokes, and also because she was sure Villanelle would leave. 

"She seems like a good person, Eve. At least she is clever and right about a lot of things." admitts Villanelle.

Helene smiles waiting for the next step.

"Okay but what does it mean... I made you up??" 

"Yes." she simply answers. God how she wishes she was born as a person and not a figment in someone's mind meant to make them the happiest and the most miserable. 

Eve felt tears coming down and she took her pillow to hug. 

"Eve I'm sorry. But know I love and loved you since the first time we met. This isn't right anymore. You should take the pills, get better and go on with your life." she suggests.

"What am I going to do when I miss you?" 

"I will always find my way back to you Eve, remember?" Villanelle promises.

"This isn't fair!! We were meant to be!" Eve cries.

"We were meant to happen, not to last. Now take the pills, for me." she begs.

"Okay, I will but can we do one last thing before I start taking my meds again?" 

"Sure!" she smiles.

Helene feels accomplished and discretely leaves the room as Eve is searching for 2 pens and 2 sheets.

"What do you want to do with that, Eve?" she asks.

"You will see!" teases Eve.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i hope you like the ending & happy bday to our russian assassin ❣️

Eve places one sheet on the table in her room.

"Can you draw something on my back? Anything you want, so I can feel it and imitate it on the sheet, since you can't really draw.."

This was a very smart idea, a good way to keep something concrete that would remind her of her friend. 

"Okay." she comes closer and starts tracing on Eve's back something long and triangular... a pizza of course.

"Are you drawing a pizza Villanelle?" she laughs. 

After the drawing is done, Eve asks Helene if she and Villanelle could go in the gym and dance to some music, for one last time. Helene concedes because she thinks that feeling this good one last time will give her the strength to say goodbye.

They dance to some classical music. Neither of them knows what they're doing but together, it just looks harmonious. 

"I am proud of you, Eve." she whispers as they sway.

"I am going to miss you so much. I don't know if I can ever love someone after you."

"Don't be so tragic! Of course you will! There are so many things about you to love."

"If you are a part of me and you love me, does it mean that deep down, I love myself a bit?" 

"Wow the philosophical questions! Probably?"

They keep dancing and it feels like the world stopped spinning for a few minutes.

Eve started taking her meds again and was discharged a month later, under the condition to always take them. It didn't pain her much to leave the place but she was very grateful to Helene. She hugged her before leaving.

Coming home to an empty house was also not going to be easy. She will probably cry when seeing her parents' room and anything that reminds her of them. 

After she puts her stuff in her closets, she decides to find a cute frame for the masterpiece Villanelle drew and connects her phone to the aux and plays the same song they danced to. She wants to slow dance in the living room, even if she's alone.

However for the first time, Villanelle comes back.

"I couldn't miss this dance, but this is our last, okay?" 

"Okay." she replies as she presses the play button.

So they dance like last time, but what a stranger would see is one girl, swaying alone, stroking her cheek.


End file.
